I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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