I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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