I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
nutella sex= disaster
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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