Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
