"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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