you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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