i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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