I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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