Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
