you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
this hospital has no fireball
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
