Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
