the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
