we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
