She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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