My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
i've created a new STD.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
