no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i've created a new STD.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
