mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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