the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Come on in and take your pants off
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