i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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