What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
