I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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