Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize