I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
false alarm, still single
Randomize
