A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize