woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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