I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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