put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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