His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
