I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
