I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
