fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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