I want to make a zoo with you.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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