So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
