So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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