"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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