My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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