oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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