The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
