You can't motorboat a personality
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
