i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
