Welp...herpes.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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