Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize