Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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