Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
