the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I could make wine with my vomit
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
