so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
