she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
