a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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