I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
a search helicopter?!
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
