Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
