apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize