Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
