I'm so fucking centered right now
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
