Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
