He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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