idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
