New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
