yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
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