I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
