I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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