never play flip cup with pint glasses
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We talked him into tasing himself.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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