Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
it's like iHOP with fire
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
