Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize