He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize