the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
