did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
