I feel like I'm in dance class right now
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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