How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize