dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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