based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
