6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
