Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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