Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We're too hungover to prance.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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