I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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