another moral hangover. fuck.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
