The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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