Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
