Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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