It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
