Apparently you make a good broom.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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