i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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