she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He shit in the fireplace
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
