I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
