I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize