Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
