we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
