Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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