i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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